Adam Smith and Bacon

Adam Smith, author of The Wealth of Nations and owner of one of the blandest names to have every existed, wisely stated that “All money is a matter of belief.” Well, I now have a fervent belief that bacon is money, so therefore it is.

Last month, my site mate Dylan received a very anxiously expected care package. His parents had sent him 148 strips of Hormel Pre-Cooked Bacon, which might be the greatest thing to happen to food since baby carrots. After patting humanity on the back for inventing 8-month-shelf-stable-pre-cooked-bacon technology, Dylan, Eric, and I immediately got to bargaining and trading our care package items on the basis of the bacon price. Though many were negotiated and discussed, only one was ever realized: my 8 fun sized Baby Ruths for 15 strips of Dylan’s bacon. Immediately after, disaster stuck. Despite both traders walking away satisfied, a suggested 5 strips of bacon for  1 bar of Eric’s Trader Joes Dark Chocolate caused a market collapse. Investor confidence was shattered as pundits and analysts scrambled to figure out how the economy would survive. Luckily for our taste buds, paralysis did not last for long. Though bacon was no longer traded (Dylan loves his bacon), lighters, cheese, calendars, and even months of fridge space became acceptable currency. The market had rebounded and a depression was averted.

The Strategic Junk Food Reserve

Of course, without a regulatory framework, some buyers were taken advantage of. In one famous case, a hapless buyer (me) was offered a Chocolate Chip Cliff Bar immediately after summiting a local mountain, which was immediately eaten. Unfortunately, the price of said Cliff Bar was only settled after it had been turned into liquid (digested) assets. This resulted in what many experts suspect to be one of the worst cases of price gouging that the AME (Alto Molócuè Exchange) has ever seen, 1 Cliff Bar for 2sqin of Cote d’Or Belgian Chocolate Covered Marzipan. Gasp! The horror! Since then, consumer (literally) protection laws have been put in place.

Unfortunately, there is a down side to using food items as currency: inflation. That hungry bugger aggressively lowers the value of savings accounts and strategic reserves alike. Just today, inflation ate two Cote d’Or Dark Chocolate Mignonettes and a large spoonful of Nutela. Greedy inflation. The hope among all market players is that a long awaited stimulus package of currency arrives soon so that trading can continue. Anyone have a suggested price for a tablespoon of cheese powder?