Mi Kiri Pama

One of the things you need to know about Peace Corps is that all volunteers start to find very strange combinations of words hilarious. This unique brand of comedy is so strange that each country has its own, exclusive brand of comedy. Saying “These are not the ladraoes you are looking for” and throwing things like “E possivl”, “Entao”, and “E o Nao e?” randomly into sentences wouldn't be funny to anyone else, but to me they’re hilarious. It’s to the point where the funniest thing I ever get to hear on a regular basis is “I am fine, and how are you?”  coming from the mouth of some random Mozambiquean. Yes, the weirdly accented vowels are funny, and the overly earnest expression on their faces makes you chuckle, but what it really comes down to is relief. Relief that the communication barrier you normally have to break down has been broken for you. Sure, it may be the full extent of their English, but at least you’re not left alone sounding stupid in Portuguese.

But at some point, you don’t sound so stupid in Portuguese. In fact, you feel pretty confident that you can get your point across as long as you can find a way to explain what you mean with a very limited vocabulary. That’s why local languages were created.

The cultural gods’ gift to me was Elomwe. Spoken only in the northeastern region of Zambezia Province, it sounds like nothing I’ve ever heard. Though there are elements of Portuguese woven in, all the words are strange and new, which has made it challenging but fun to learn. Thankfully Ionde e su caderno?” (where is your notebook) if I don’t have it out fast enough.

have my good buddy Machonichone. I'm not actually sure that that's his name, and since its way to complicated to remember, I just call him Professor. Every time I see him at his bagged cooking oil stand, he’s ready with a new word of phrase for me to learn. At first, I would try to just remember them by hearing them, but I found out that unless I write it down in a little notebook, it’s like it never happened ( I must be my mother’s son because). So then I started carrying around an “Elomwe” notebook to dorkily whip out every time I see him. It’s gotten to the point that Professor even follows up the new words with an exasperated “

Starting out with the general greeting (Mosheliwa), we worked our way through salt (maka), water (mahi), tomatoes (tomates) essentially the items in front of us. But it wasn’t until after talking with my empregado that I found out that Mosheliwa didn't mean “hello”, but “how are you?” Having only the question, but not the answer, I felt so incomplete. Like Alex Trebec, I could ask questions I couldn't answer. I needed to know. So the next time I returned to the market, I returned with a purpose. Marching straight to Machonichone, I was pleasantly greeted with “Mosheliwa” to which I responded “como se dizes ‘eu esto bem, e voce?’”. But before telling me, before unlocking the secrets I desired, Machonichone made a notebook and pen mime with his hands. After surviving the trials of finding the pen and tinny notebook in my backpack-of-a-million-and-one-pockets, I finally was able to learn the Simon to my conversational Garfunkel:

“Mi Kiri Pama, ka hi nu anu?”

(I am fine, and how are you?)

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On the day I wrote this post, I gave 6 end-of-trimester French tests. This means that after writing the test on the board and providing instructions maybe 20 times, I had a lot of down time to sit and watch for cheating. Sometimes I graded, sometimes I twiddled thumbs, sometimes I counted rafters, and sometimes I got inspired to write acronym puzzles in honor of World Malaria Day on April 25^th:

M ighty Morphin Power Rangers
A rrested Development

L ibyan Dictators

A pple pie flavored Go-Gurt

R -Kelly

I celandic Mega-Banking

A merican Idol Creativity

What do these things and Malaria have in common? Nothing. They’ve come and gone while Malaria is still infecting 1 out of 3 people in Mozambique