The JLP PCTPLTDD

Pop quiz: what do the following questions have in common?

Do bears shit in the woods?

What rock band plays the song with the sickest base line of all time?

What was the first word of the Obama campaign’s rallying cry?

Is Thanksgivings Sam’s favorite holiday?

If you said that they all have the same answer, your right! Pat yourself on the back. Ok stop patting, it was an easy quiz. Yes, bears shit in the woods. Yes plays the song with the sickest base line of all time, aka Roundabout. “Yes We Can!” was the rallying cry for the Obama presidential campaign. And yes, I love Thanksgivings. No other holiday combines large quantities of delicious food, the broadest possible inclusivity (you’re thankful for something), and awesome hand shaped decorations to the same level of effectiveness. That is just a plain fact. So when I found out, almost 7 months ago that I was heading to the far side of the world for my Peace Corps service, my mind went immediately to thanksgiving. Having never spent a T-day away from home, I wanted to be sure that whatever was done to replace it would meet my exceptionally high standards.

It was during my site visit in Macia that I began the serious planning. In between talking about the awesome 70 year old female education volunteer from Moz 15 and our experiences killing chickens, the conversation turned to Turkey. Not just any turkey, but the delicious bakery oven cooked turkeys that Moz 15 had for their Namaacha thanksgivings day party. This got the gears turning and come the next hub day I had taken it upon myself to purchase, kill, clean, season, cook, and deliver the birds for our Peace Corps Trainee Pot Luck Thanksgivings Day Dinner (PCTPLTDD for short).

The first thing you need to know about killing a turkey in Mozambique is that it’s not called turkey. Though it’s still named after an exotic and distant land, it can no longer be called the Istanbul Bird. No, turkeys are known as perus in Portuguese, for reasons which I imagine are quite similar to why we call them Turkeys. The second thing you need to know is that in order to kill a turkey, you should get it drunk.  Say should because we didn’t and paid the price because, as we found out, Turkeys are fast, Turkeys are small, and Turkeys are agile. So instead of just grabbing the neck of a sleeping bird, we had to chase the two chosen perus around the yard of the Casa des Dois (CdD) compound, grab them by the legs and wings, and pin them down against a brick. Then, with knife in hand, I had the most authentic start to Thanksgivings I’ve ever had. Just like the pilgrims (JLP), we caught, killed, and cooked our dinner without a mechanical separator or refrigerated supermarket in between, though the lack of buckles on our hats was unfortunate.

Rosa and Clancy were then de-feathered, gutted, and cleaned by the CdD staff, after which we stuck them in an Italian seasoning brine till T-day. After 3 days, I retrieved them for cooking, but found out that the CdD’s version of an oven is really a 3000 Watt microwave, not exactly a JLP device. Plan B was the who-knows-how-many-degrees-but-its-definitely-hot bakery oven owned by one of the trainee’s host-father. So we stuck the birds (2 turkeys and 4 beer chickens at this point) in alongside someone else’s roast pig, and waited. Come time for the PCTPLTDD, the birds were loaded into a Peace Corps car and driven to the Peace Corps house in town where we were having our party.

To say that there was a lot of food would be an understatement. Though I had done my best to ensure that no one went hungry (the pot luck instructions were to cook for 10), there was no way I could have expected the quantity of food that 50 trainees and several volunteers would bring together. Besides the birds which I had personally attended to, there were 3 types of mashed potatoes, 4 different salads, a couple different casseroles, breads, 120 fish samosas, several types of salsa, hummus, donuts, a wide variety of pies, brownies, fudge, sweet potatoes, and one exceedingly delicious apple crisp. Upon seeing all this food, I went through the 4 stages of a Thanksgiving mental breakdown in quick succession: excitement, indecision, fear, and acceptance. First, you’re excited to begin chowing down on all the delectable treats that have been brought in front of you. Then you freeze, realizing that you don’t know where to start or how to organize your plate(s). This brings on a fear that no matter how carefully you dole out only a small amount of each dish, you will never be able to try every item on the table. Finally, you accept that this is thanksgiving and that all you can do is to eat as much as possible, then a little bit more, without throwing up. Needless to say, the JLP PCTPLTDD was a wonderful party and I walked home with my empty turkey pans, full stomach, and a very comfortable buzz.

Hope you all had an equally great thanksgiving!

Food, glorious food,

What wouldn't we give for

That extra bit more,

That's all that we live for

Why should we be fated,

To do nothing but brude,

Oh food, magical, food, wonderful, food, marvellous, food,

Fabulous, food, beautiful, food, glorious food! 

Oliver, The Musical