Using Bananas as a Teaching Tool

One of the main Peace Corps Mozambique secondary projects, Jovens-Unidos-No-Trabalho-para-Oppotunidade-e-Successo (JUNTOS) has as it's focal point a series of regional workshops. These workshops bring together youth-groups for a weekend of seminars to empower them to make decisions and distribute messages about safe-sex. This past weekend, for the second year in a row, I organized a workshop in Alto Molocue for youth-groups from Nauela, Murrupula, Mocuba, and Alto Molocue. Between the discussions on diversity, leadership, self-esteem, puberty, reproduction, violence, and HIV/AIDS,  the relatively small number participants develop a surprisingly strong bond. This allows them to ask questions that require more comfort and trust than a classroom might offer, like "what is anal sex like?", "does masturbating prevent you from having children?", and "can I impregnate my girlfriend if we have sex without a condom while she's menstruating?" Though it might be disconcerting to hear 13-21 year olds asking these questions, its great that a forum is created where they can have these doubts answered by people with accurate information.

Escuteiros with their teaching tools

This circle of trust also allows the PCV running the sessions to do what any youth-oriented volunteer living in a country where 11.5% of the population is HIV positive and the birth rate is the 11th highest in the world would want to do: condom demonstration! So after gathering together our Peace Corps Medical supplied condoms (they have very high expectations for our virility) and 30 bananas, fellow Moz 17er Stephanie led our workshop group in a step-by-step demonstration of how to put a condom on a banana. Involving much fewer condom balloons than I had originally imagined,  everyone successfully used protection on their monkey food. Afterwards, not wanting to waste food, we proceeded to remove the artificial and natural sheaths and eat our demonstration.

Though I can't say how many of the students actually learned how to put a condom on that night (a both distressing and encouraging number already knew), it was a very dynamic and exciting end to a long and information-full day. And in a country where condoms are most often used as hats, water carriers, gloves, soccer balls, and rubber bands, it was nice to know that on Saturday 30 were used to simulate their intended purpose.

Why Everything Should be Duct Tape-able

As in most parts of the world, things break in Mozambique. Sometimes it's after years of use, and it was just it's time to go. Other times a neighbor borrows it and, not knowing how to properly use it, opens it the wrong way. There's things that you drop on the ground when surprised, and others that you throw on the ground in a fit of rage after being told there's no more of you favorite chocolate spread (Marlon Brando actually yelled NUTELAAAAAA!!, but was misheard). And of course, there are the things that magically break after a short lifespan just because they're manufactured at the lowest possible quality to be sold at the cheapest possible price to the impoverished African market.

But no matter how it breaks, you often need to fix it, and this generally puts items into two categories: Duct Tape-able and non-Duct Tape-able. Luckily, the gross majority of items fall into the first and easiest category. Plastic chair that begun to split from regular use? Duct tape! Head lamp that your neighbor ripped open when trying to change the batteries that had been wasted playing "Americano"? Duct tape! Plastic water basin that broke after falling from your empregado's head while full? Duct tape! Laptop that split open after tumbling from the unstable tower of boxes and newspapers which put it at the perfect height for video conferencing? Duct tape! Duct tape! Duct tape! Duct tape!

But for those few, sorry, items which will not succumb to the awesome powers

Wire + Pot lid + Coil + MacGyverness=
Making pasta and sauce at the same time!

of Duct Tape, more creative and time intensive solutions are required. Recently, I had to take this course of action with my electrical stove, which has been with me for well over a year. After one burner transitioned from working perfectly, to working well, to heating food while shocking the user, to only shocking the users while heating nothing, I decided it was time to replace the mis-behaving coil. But unlike fixing an item in the US, here there was no possibility of ordering the spare part from Amazon and having it delivered to my house.

Instead, I had to spend a half a day searching for the replacement coil in Quelimane (unsuccessfully) and another half a day searching for the replacement coil in Nampula (successfully). Upon returning to my home from the most recent of the trips, I realized that I had thrown away an essential piece from the broken coil. So instead of having a burner coil that would stay in place but wouldn't heat up, I had a burner coil which would heat up but would fall into the stove itself. So after banging my head against the wall for a minute, I punched some holes in an old extra pot lid and jerry-rigged the stove coil to it with some left over wire. Then all I had to do was bring the stove to my friendly neighborhood repairman (thanks Segundo) and have him solder the new coil to the wiring.

Now if only they made heat resistant, mold-able but stiff Duct Tape. Beyond never needing any other material ever again, I would have had two working burners and one happy PCV 3 weeks ago!

Adam Smith and Bacon, Part 2

Sticky McStickerson getting to the bottom of the story

Welcome back to AME Market Update, I'm your host Sticky McStickerson, and here's what's happening.

Since the previous explosion of trading following the snack infusion of early March, a combination of diminished supply and hoarding have brought trading to a near standstill. The only product to merit trading at this point is the rescissionist's best friend: alcohol.

Upon the long awaited return of Dylan to Alto Molocue, a bland market spiced up quick at the prospect of buying into a bottle of Bombay Saphire. Not wanting to deplete the Strategic Snack Food Reserve any more than my inflation had already, I bought one Class A share with plain old meticais. But Eric, having recently received a care package, had a surplus of candy and jumped at the opportunity. After a few minutes of heated negotiation, a deal was struck with Dylan for a one of the three Class A shares in return for 41 Sour Patch Kids and a Prestige Brie Cheese. Reserving the final Class A share for himself, Dylan closed trading on the asset and the AME celebrated Eric's birthday.

Keeping you up-to-date on the AME

Though trading on the rare Class A shares had closed, a side market opened for a replacement good: the Leveraged Beer Option. Since then, all manner of consumer goods have been traded for this questionable asset. Being that there is no regulatory framework for these, the system is based purely on the market players  collective trust, memory, and liquidity capacity.

Analysts predict that this type of trading will continue well past the expected arrival of several snack infusions, as using a locally available and easily transferable substance as currency allows for far more market activity and prevents the volatility seen in the era of the bacon standard.

Painted Wooden Trees

You have to be this tall to march in the parade

There are many topics on which Mozambicans feel differently about than Americans. Uses for grass (no lawns, only roofs), appropriate number of choruses in 3 verse national anthem (6), or acceptable places to relieve oneself (pathway in front of my house) come to mind. But up until today, I’ve always felt that finding a half painted tree attractive as the weirdest. Little did I know that one day, I would be converted to this belief.

In preparation for this Friday’s long planned and much talked about visit of the Governor, the Escuteiros de Alto Molócuè were asked to help with the ornamentation (direct translation) of the town. Along with the putting up of banners and trimming of trees, the town also typically paints the lower 2ft of each tree, pole, and stone white. Not only did I not see this as in any way “beautifying” the town, but I saw the continued use of a washable paint outdoors pointless. Of course, what seemed to me as the biggest waste of time, was assigned as the responsibility of the Escuteiros.

On the truck, scooping "paint"" out of a barrel

So after teaching most of my classes (we were interrupted by a Police lecture about traffic safety) and eating a quick lunch, I went over to the school basketball courts and met up with the few scouts waiting. Though I had thought that very few would show up, the prospect of being exempt from gym class for the day brought our numbers up to 14. Once the car arrived, we caught a ride to the Municipal Council building and met up with the workmen who we would be helping. After waiting around a while for the materials to show up, we split into teams and got to work.

Partnering up with Monis and Carlitos, we

Unlike Tom Sawyer, I pitched in, and didn't get

anything in trade for giving them the opportunity

began to cover the area between the parade route and our waist white. Carrying buckets of the chalky water, we used palm branches to slather the various trees, curbs, electrical poles, traffic poles, and sign posts. Seeing the scouts do this, I felt a little like Tom Sawyer convincing friends that painting a fence would be fun. Though we moved slowly at first, we picked up our rhythm as the buckets emptied. A couple hours later we had met up with the team working from the other direction and our job was done. Stepping back, I was stunned to see that the town did look fresher and cleaner, and that the parade route had a more uniform quality to it.

The 2nd team in-front of their painted wall

Though we felt like we had more paint on us than on the shrubbery, the scouts seemed to walk away with a sense of pride in a job well done. As a demonstration of the value of public service, I couldn't have asked for anything better.

A Tale of Five Cheeses

Once upon a time there were five cheeses that shared a very special destiny:
-Sir "Shoprite Gratted Cheese" the Spagehtti Ready.from Springfield, NJ
-Lord "Laughing Cow Processed Cheese" the Egg Sandie Perfecter from Gurue,Zambezia
-Baron "Barry Farms Cheddar Powder" the Mac N Cheeser from Wapakoinck, Ohio
-Duke "Parmalat Cheddar Flavored Cheese Slices" the Grilled Cheesiest from Nampula
-and the mysterious nameless black waxed cheese from former Alto Molocue PCV Zach

Collected through various trial and tribulations, they all found themselves on a cheese and cracker platter prepared for a very special occasion. You see, the 3 young Americans residing in Alto Molocue, Northern Mozambique were devoted to a popular TV show involving ferocious wolves, snow zombies, dragons, and incest. But while their friends and family back in Americaland could watch the show the day it came on the air, the 3 young Americans had to wait for the season premier to be available online. Once they had acquired a sacred artifact, "The Modem of Unlimited Megabitivity", they were able to download the hallowed video and prepare for its revealing.  But as they were so devoted to the show, a demonstration of adoration was deemed necessary. So the 3 young Americans gathered together an array of their most prized possessions, and hoped it would please the Lactose gods.

Our humble offering to the show that made being
in love with dragons acceptable

Finally, on a slightly chilly Sunday evening one week after the show's premier, they gathered together in front of a laptop and gazed with wonder as their imagination was turned into reality. While cheese was placed, spread, and sticked (crackers were licked then dabbed in powdered cheese) on Agua e Sal crackers, an epic story of magic, betrayal, love, and war played out before their eyes. By the time it was over (actually it was only a little after minute 14), the 5 cheeses had reached their destiny and were forever bonded by their induction to the honored "Order of the Digestive System" .

For the North!!

A Country Run on Personal Favors

Good thing I've got them, we're flush in personal favors

We all have that smug friend, who just after getting a sweet job offer reminds you that“it’s not what you know, but who you know.” Though this cliché might be saying that your smug friend can be successful despite being a complete idiot, it is definitely true. All the more so when a young nation grows at an uncontrollably break neck pace. As a result, Mozambique doesn't run on family honor, or pride in a hard day’s work, or even personal responsibility. Instead, for better or worse, it runs on personal favors.

Our event had a pretty good draw: over 80 people attended

This fact of life affects the way most things here operate. When my colleagues at the school want to withdraw their salary from their bank account in one lump sum as opposed to small installments from the ATM, it has very little to do with if they filled out sufficient paperwork. It does have very much to do with if they have shared sufficient cups of beer or church services with the bank tellers. If I want to use the photocopier in my school’s office, I better have given the pedagogical director on duty that day one of the Statue of Liberty magnets that I brought back from the US, because otherwise they’ll probably be out of paper. And when a bus is stopped at a police checkpoint, whether the police check all the drivers’ documents has a lot to do with how many family members they share

This cultural aspect became especially obvious this

Our municipal police commander handing the winner of  the

poster contest his prize.  This is why uniforms are important:

without this caption he'd just be a random guy.

 past weekend. On Saturday, weeks of planning, inviting, practicing, chatting, and pleading came to fruition when the Escuteiros de Alto Molocue held their first major event: A Baixo Acidentes das Motociclistas (Down with Motorcycle Accidents). Sparked by a series of high speed helmetless motorcycle crashes that killed several students from our school, the scouts had decided to host an event on the importance of motorcycle safety. Through radio announcements, flyers posted around town, announcements at the school, and personal invitations to motorcycle taxi drivers, community members were invited to the Casa de Cultura (House of Culture) for the 2 hours of theater, lectures, and contests. The motorcycle safety lecture was of particular importance, as it would be led by a uniformed member of the police. Not only would this add weight to the message of “slow down, use lights at night, and wear a helmet”, but it would also add legitimacy to the event overall.

A couple days before the event, all the pieces were in place: authorization from the Municipal Council had been given, the Casa de Cultura was reserved, judges for the poster contest were confirmed, and props for the scout’s theater piece had been procured. Only one thing was missing: a police officer to do the lecture. You would think that with us having sent invitations to all of Alto Molocue’s 3 police forces (national, municipal, and transit), one would be able to send a representative. But come Thursday afternoon, not one had responded in the affirmative. Most vexing was the response of the commander of the transit police, who’s direct responsibility it is to prevent motor vehicle accidents. It seemed that some combination of a church services, carnival dancing, and a possible future car accident would make him unavailable. But I knew the real reason: spite. You see, a few weeks earlier, a certain volunteer (me) hadn’t shown up to a very informally planned night time private English lesson. As a result, he was going to just ignore this event. But my guilt ridden text messages (Mr Commander, our fellow citizens are dying and we need to do something!) must have been successful. Because at the last minute he decided to call in a personal favor with the commander of the municipal police, who showed up and gave the lecture. Sure, he might not have been wearing a uniform, but maybe I should have thought to bring him a Statue of Liberty magnet, or at least a Michael Jackson billion dollar bill.

So lesson learned, informally planned or not I should show up all my appointments. Here, your most powerful currency is friendship, after bacon of course.

Adam Smith and Bacon

Adam Smith, author of The Wealth of Nations and owner of one of the blandest names to have every existed, wisely stated that “All money is a matter of belief.” Well, I now have a fervent belief that bacon is money, so therefore it is.

Last month, my site mate Dylan received a very anxiously expected care package. His parents had sent him 148 strips of Hormel Pre-Cooked Bacon, which might be the greatest thing to happen to food since baby carrots. After patting humanity on the back for inventing 8-month-shelf-stable-pre-cooked-bacon technology, Dylan, Eric, and I immediately got to bargaining and trading our care package items on the basis of the bacon price. Though many were negotiated and discussed, only one was ever realized: my 8 fun sized Baby Ruths for 15 strips of Dylan’s bacon. Immediately after, disaster stuck. Despite both traders walking away satisfied, a suggested 5 strips of bacon for  1 bar of Eric’s Trader Joes Dark Chocolate caused a market collapse. Investor confidence was shattered as pundits and analysts scrambled to figure out how the economy would survive. Luckily for our taste buds, paralysis did not last for long. Though bacon was no longer traded (Dylan loves his bacon), lighters, cheese, calendars, and even months of fridge space became acceptable currency. The market had rebounded and a depression was averted.

The Strategic Junk Food Reserve

Of course, without a regulatory framework, some buyers were taken advantage of. In one famous case, a hapless buyer (me) was offered a Chocolate Chip Cliff Bar immediately after summiting a local mountain, which was immediately eaten. Unfortunately, the price of said Cliff Bar was only settled after it had been turned into liquid (digested) assets. This resulted in what many experts suspect to be one of the worst cases of price gouging that the AME (Alto Molócuè Exchange) has ever seen, 1 Cliff Bar for 2sqin of Cote d’Or Belgian Chocolate Covered Marzipan. Gasp! The horror! Since then, consumer (literally) protection laws have been put in place.

Unfortunately, there is a down side to using food items as currency: inflation. That hungry bugger aggressively lowers the value of savings accounts and strategic reserves alike. Just today, inflation ate two Cote d’Or Dark Chocolate Mignonettes and a large spoonful of Nutela. Greedy inflation. The hope among all market players is that a long awaited stimulus package of currency arrives soon so that trading can continue. Anyone have a suggested price for a tablespoon of cheese powder?